Lisa Dunning, California Marriage & Family Therapist
Parent / Child Relationship Expert

Allow Yourself To Make Mistakes

"Suggestions found in books, articles, and by the media may cause parents to experience some guilt, doubt, frustration, or anxiety that their disciplinary approach is not right for their child." (Campbell 205) The purpose of this book is not to point out your inadequacies or tell you to follow this book to become the perfect parent(s). After years of education and experience as a therapist and parent I never stop learning how to be a better parent. Reaching a state of perfection would mean I wouldn't need to learn. I learn a new perspective about parenting from my clients, my husband, friends, a good parenting book or from my own family every day.

We Learn From Our Mistakes

Think about the first time you road a bike. I'm sure you didn't just jump on the bike and start riding. You probably fell more than a few times. You felt frustration, anger, hostility, blame, etc. But through falling you also learned determination and eventually the joy of accomplishment when you finally road your bike without falling.

You and anyone who shares the responsibility of raising your child will make mistakes. Hopefully, through your mistakes, you and your partner will learn a great deal about yourself, each other and your child. Learn from your mistakes and try not to repeat them. If you allow a pattern of making the same mistake over and over, then you are not learning.

Do Not Punish Yourself

You will undoubtedly learn new skills. You will look back at situations where you could have used these skills to make better choices with your child. Don't punish yourself by saying, "Oh, I didn't do it that way." or "Look at all the bad things I have done. I ruined my kid for life!" Depending when you acquired this book, keep in mind it may not have existed when you were making every attempt to raise your child the best you knew how. Assuming it existed and assuming you knew of its existence but chose not to read it, well you made a mistake. You are allowed to make mistakes, . . . remember. Get over it, forgive yourself and learn how you can be a better parent so you don't repeat the mistakes you may have made in the past.