Lisa Dunning, California Marriage & Family Therapist
Parent / Child Relationship Expert

Children Without Parents But No One Has Died

I am sure you know couples that continue to have the same life they enjoyed without children, going out night after night, partying and caring on as if they never had children. When you ask these parents how they are able to keep the same lifestyle they enjoyed without children, you might hear them say, "Just because I have children does not mean I have to stop my life." There is some truth to this statement. Your life does not stop because you have children and you and your spouse need time to enjoy each other. (See: Your Relationship Ahead Of Your Child in Establishing The Rules in Chapter 2) But to expect your life to continue unaffected is ridiculous and taken to extremes is neglectful parenting. Being parents requires you and your partner to attend to your child's needs beyond food, clothing and shelter. Your child's mental, emotional and psychological needs are neglected when you allow babysitters or any other caregivers, such as daycare centers or after school programs to primarily parent your child. Parents who fall into this category of extreme passivity toward their children should find exceptional babysitters and daycare facilities that will attend to their children's needs. (See: Looking Into Daycare in Stay At Home Parenting vs. Financial Concerns in Chapter 4) If you and your partner place a higher priority on your freedom than your children, then nothing I say here will make a difference in your passive parenting styles.

The Absent Parent - Parents Without Partners

You are not a single parent, yet you have a spouse that is uninvolved with you and your children. Your spouse may have adopted the old school method of parenting where they perceive their role as the breadwinner. Once the job is over, they expect dinner on the table. After dinner, they nap or watch television before retiring to bed, only to go back to work the next day and repeat the same routine day after day completely uninvolved in your child's life. Or perhaps you have a partner who values their freedom ahead of their parental responsibilities. Meanwhile, you have been home all day with the children and would like your spouse to take over some responsibilities so you can have a moment to yourself. Whether you are coping with a parent who is physically present, but emotionally withdrawn or a parent who values their freedom before their child, the approach to resolution is the same.